My Brother Ryan
Carefully consider the following process paragraph:
It lacks a topic sentence, includes some irrelevant ideas, and does not maintain a logical order.
Write a suitable topic sentence and revise the paragraph so that it demonstrates unity, support, and coherence.
- When my brother Ryan comes home after a vicious soccer game on a hot day, he is usually sweaty and smeared with mud. I, too, am sometimes messy, but not as much as him. He zips into the shower and spends five minutes scrubbing away the dirt and sweat. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he brushes his teeth, rolls on some deodorant, and examines his damp hair. But before that, he dries his body with the towel. Within ten minutes, Ryan has emerged from a cloud of dirt, sweat, and various odors and become a magnet for young women. A few swipes of his hairbrush are all he needs to style his hair. I wish I had that kind of hair! After he completes the hairstyling, he puts on any pair of jeans and semi-clean shirt he can find. Ryan looks great in any outfit.
Guidelines:
Copy and paste the paragraph.
Write a proper process topic sentence.
Show the parts of the paragraph you would consider removing (by changing the font color to red).
Finally, add supporting elements that would demonstrate coherence within the paragraph (make the fonts a different color).
